Children and Divorce
Dealing with their parents divorce is no easy task for kids. The dissolution of marriage and hence the family has a huge impact on children of all ages. It is even more difficult for children who do not understand the trivia of life and are left by their parents as such. Several unanswered questions and unresolved queries keep them occupied and they are unable to bear the pressure. They often experience anguish, confusion and perplexity when their parents are separating and it becomes more of a trouble for them when they have to choose one parent over the other. Stress is an inevitable part of divorce both for the parents and the kids and the children are the most affected by the breakdown of their families.
Children of divorced parents might feel uncertain about their future and life in general and may even be frustrated at the prospect of their parents splitting up forever. Since kids experience loss of one parent due to divorce, this also results in loss of knowledge, skillfulness and resources. They often have to face financial crunch and more stress in life due to change in place, home or school. They even have to adjust with extended families and change of relationships which may usually results in maladjustments. Children from divorced families face adjustment and behavioral problems; have more difficulty in schools, pessimistic self- concepts and trouble with peers. Divorced parents should help their kids deal with their separation by providing them a stable atmosphere at home and fulfilling their emotional and objective wants. Make sure that you repetitively tell your children that both parents will always love them and that you will always be there for them.
While children may understand few things themselves, it is a must that parents try to answer all their concerns and put up everything clearly in front of kids. Some important things to be kept in mind while dealing with the kids are:-
1. Be honest- Give your children a genuine, sincere and a jovial explanation like “We can’t get along anymore” or “we need to separate due to our differences”. They may be aware of the ongoing process but it’s better to be earnest and give them a clarification of the situation.
2. Lifestyle changes- Your children are entitled to know why you are separating and how and why there will be a change in their lifestyle. Whether you’ll be moving to a new place or they need to change their school, neighborhood etc, discuss these issues with your kids and prepare them psychologically for these upcoming changes.
3. Avoid the blame game- Be a little diplomatic while giving your kids a true analysis of the situation while not being critical of your spouse. Its rather better if both of you sit together to explain the situation to your kids so that both of you can very well elucidate your roles in their further life.
4. Be conscious of the age of the child- Although the information you pass on to your kids must be realistic and truthful but be mindful of their age and mental capacity to bear the reality. Your common aim during the divorce process should be that your kids are not traumatized and affected by the divorce process and this does not affect their normal growth and upbringing.