Loneliness after Divorce
As human beings, we love to live in relationships and usually identify ourselves as child, daughter, son, friend, brother, sister, husband or wife. Living in a family in your described role makes you feel wanted. But with divorce and subsequent breakdown of the family, one tends to feel abandoned and lonely. Following the divorce, one feels total detachment from normal, accustomed and somewhat stable life and one experiences acute isolation from all the people.
After living with your partner for so many years, you become somewhat dependent on him/her and itís explicit that youíre going to miss your spouse almost any time- at night in bed, whenever youíre stuck in a trouble, while handling your kidsí needs, when your kids are distressed- at all times he/she will be conspicuous by his/her absence. These moments will sting you up with loneliness. But now the need of the hour is to restructure your life alone and you have to face life all alone. There are several people who have done this before and even you can do this. Keep this in mind and start afresh.
Also, itís quite common for newly divorced people to cut off themselves from their friends and family. Usually they decline invitations from close friends and relatives and unwittingly send the message ĎI want to be aloneí. Indeed they feel more comfortable in the company of singles and in the process they sideline their good old friends but this poses as the biggest hindrance in their healing up process.
Try out the following few things to ease yourself through this transition period:-
Set out new targets- Itís time to start everything anew as if life has given you an empty slate and you need to rewrite your new goals in life. Whenever you start feeling lonely, use that time creatively. Make a list of things you always wanted to do but couldnít do due to lack of time. Try to accomplish these tasks in your free time. You may also make changes in your home according to your own tastes.
Embrace and fight with your loneliness- Divorce can be an opportunity to rediscover your true self, your relationship with your soul and with God. If you have faith in God, you can always turn to him for help. He will definitely give you strength and will help you to pull out of this stressful situation. Once you achieve the state of inner balance youíll be able to find a new meaning of life and begin thinking of starting your life afresh.
Socialize- Try and increase your circle of like-minded people so that you can spend your time productively. Join a gym, or a yoga class/dance class/painting class. Here you will be able to recognize with your new identity and come out of your shell.
Time is the biggest healer- This old age adage is perfectly true. It may take few months or even 2-3 years but eventually youíll come out of these apparently horrible times. As time passes by you become accustomed to changes divorce brought into your life and youíll start enjoying your new found freedom and self reliance. Youíll also become more independent and will find that your self-confidence has increased manifold.
Instead of bemoaning your loneliness, try and come out of this situation by fighting it out.