Advice on Divorce
Co-parenting after divorce in India
In a country like India, where marriage is a lifetime commitment, divorce after having children is gruesome for both parents. What will happen to your children and how will you deal with society are the questions every Indian parent would ponder over. Co-parenting after divorce can provide a healthy chance of living a normal life for your children. In India, where divorce reasons are mostly because of abuse or desertion, parents are always at fighting ends. This affects the upbringing of the child to a great extent. You should be very careful that the conflicts and anger with your spouse should in no way affect the growth of your childís mentally.
However, it is very much necessary and beneficial for a child to have his/her parentís support, although co-parenting after divorce in India is not always possible. Parents need to be pre-planned and talk things out if they consider co-parenting after divorce as an option. To make co-parenting more than a mere obligation, follow these things to let your child save the ugly truth of divorce.
∑ Divorce with joint custody: In India, most often couples fighting for divorce forget about whatís best for the child and take on single parenting in rigidity against their spouse. An adverse divorce brings about bitterness, publicly exploiting the emotions of parents as well as the child, leaving the child hurt and confused. Divorced couples should take up joint custody of the child, putting aside your differences for the sake of the upbringing of the child.
∑ Residential proximity: Most common insecurity in a childís mind is the fear of uprooting them from their base, when parents decide to live far apart from each other. Often a child is attached to his/her birth place. Relatives of the family play a significant role in framing the roots of a child. In co-parenting, a child is free to visit family without hesitation. Living in nearby locations gives a better chance in providing this privilege to a child.
∑ Societal status: Often wide gaps in financial status and social standing of both parents start influencing the childís preference towards more comfortable position. In India, fathers are earning usually and have free-hand in expenses while non-working mothers are left with child support for the childcare, which is not enough to maintain the previous lifestyle. In this case, what both the parents can do is to co-operate with each other in fulfilling the childís needs. Co-parenting is often costly since it involves providing two homes rather than one for a child.
∑ Acceptance of parenting style: It is impossible to provide same parenting to a child by a father and a mother. So criticizing parenting style only confuses a child, tampering the effect of co-parenting. To work out best, each parent should agree on making a co-parenting plan that clearly divides the major responsibilities among parents like education, medical and health, extra-curricular activities, character building among others.
∑ Resolving personal conflicts: Often divorced couples cannot resist the rising anger over disagreeing issues. Especially for women in India, encounter with ex-husband again and again during co-parenting can be tormenting. Arguing in front of kids, and worse dragging them in between you for an opinion, wonít solve any purpose of co-parenting. Using a child to take messages back and forth between the parents will further deteriorate the healthy environment for childís growth.
Co-parenting can be a demanding task after divorce, especially when you settled down and start entertaining personal needs. Acceptance, forgiveness and healthy respect for the other parent are the key to successful co-parenting after divorce.