Advice on Divorce
Advice on starting over again
You are still hurt and afraid, reminiscing the past that has been long gone. What you need is to start over again and build a new life after divorce. Brooding over it won’t bring it back and neither do you want it. With Indian society and family pressures weighing on your shoulders, you feel like just accepting what they say blindly. On top of it, it has shaken confidence and crushed hopes making it unbearable to believe in the existence of a happy life after divorce.
· Accept the Change – Acknowledging your failure is the toughest battle. Knowing your mistakes and accepting it makes it easier on your conscious and help you understand what you don’t want to repeat again. In India, divorcees are looked down upon as some second rate humans, which can be infuriating and agonizing. There will be hushed comments, uneasy looks and rejection. Fighting it out rightly won’t help you get into their good books; rather will place you in more awkward situation. Try to control your temper when facing remarks from society or family. You need to understand that just like divorce is a big change for you, so it is for society to see you divorced. Give some time to adjust and sink in.
· Know Yourself – When in a marriage, your decisions and your choices are usually made with the consent of your husband, especially for women in India who are dependent on her husband for every decision. Your situation has changed and so have you. Take some time to know yourself, your needs and your expectations from yourself and others. Go on a vacation or join some groups like sports or dance or some discussion groups.
· Contemplate the Possibilities – Most of the divorced people in India are in the protective shell of their friends and family, offering them loads of sympathy and moral support. They won’t help run your life. So, you need to open your mind to different possibilities after divorce like do you want career, or a second marriage or do you simply need space. For this you have to know who you have become and what you value in your life. Thoughts of changing can be overbearing and should be dealt calmly.
· Have Faith in Surviving Alone – Most of the divorced people, especially non-working women in India, fear the very image of living alone, especially after a long marriage. Thoughts about managing every aspect of their life now single-handedly gives them shivers and crumble their confidence for dealing with life’s situations. One caution is to avoid bonding with someone in this phase, since you just need someone to dump your responsibility on. Know that only facing the situation can clear your doubts and wavering faith that you can’t survive alone.
· Meet people After a divorce most people in India don’t have the strength to think of starting a new relationship lest it goes sour. But, remember not all relationships can be measured on the basis of one bad relationship. Therefore, open yourself and meet new people. Join some group activities and attend social gatherings. Do not be afraid to plunge into a new relationship.
In the wake of divorce, amidst feeling of loss and devastation, all you need is to have faith on yourself that you can build a new life with you at its center. Advice on starting over again can help you find some confidence.